Posts

I'm coming home...

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I’ve been tossing up for a while now whether to write another blog post. It’s been a couple of months since my last update and I’ve neglected my blog since. The truth of it is I’ve used the last three months in Australia to run away from the reality of my situation. I’ve been able to (for the most part) shut off my thinking about the appointments, procedures and operations that are to come in the next couple of years. And it’s been bliss. Yes I’ve had my bad days. And yes at times it’s been a struggle. But I've also been able to just be me, without the endometriosis, without the adenomyosis, and without the heartache that it all brings with it. Having a break from the frequent hospital appointments, the feelings of jealousy and resentment, and the enormity of whats to come was needed. I’ve felt a bit like the old Amy, the Amy who had a life outside of endometriosis, the Amy before everything changed.

It’s funny how when you go somewhere different you can change your mindset. It was…

Aussie trip

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When people found out I was coming to Australia for 3 months, they said what are you going to do about your health?! My answer was always the same, "I will deal with it when I get home". I think I knew at the time that was a very naive thing to say, but a girl can dream and hope for the best, right?! Of course I knew how these things go really. You can never tell when your next flare up is going to be, and you definitely can't control it. I just didn't want to think about how it could impact my trip. It was a big enough thing for me to do without considering my health side of things too. Plus I'm always so adamant that it doesn't control my life so I wasn't willing to let it be part of my plans for my huge exciting adventure.

I've been in Melbourne two and a half weeks now and unfortunately, my body hasn't given me that dream, not even a little bit of it! In actual fact my pain levels have been the worst that they have been in the while. I guess a…

Its official

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I really wasn't looking forward to my hospital appointment on Thursday. I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because it wasn't that long ago that I was there. Or perhaps it was because I knew the scan was going to be uncomfortable and likely to cause me more pain. I don't know. But I knew I was dreading it. I felt nerves that I hadn't had since my operation but naturally I told myself everything was going to be fine...

We got to the hospital early and sat outside in the sunshine for a few minutes before heading up to the ward where my scan was being done. It always feels a bit wrong as an outpatient going to the ward, its where women are at their most vulnerable. Whether they are recovering from surgery or have been admitted for other reasons, its not a nice place to be. I guess its because I can relate to being there and how I felt at the time. The three times I've been on that ward have certainly ingrained that feeling into my brain, and if I could never go back on…

Hospital Appointment number... lost count!

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On the 17 May, I had my long awaited follow up appointment with my consultant. This was the first time I had seen him since my surgery at the end of November last year. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but what I did know was that the operation hadn't given me the results I had hoped and my pain was still at an all time high. However, I wasn't expecting what he had to say...

The words "you may never get any relief, nothing may help you" weren't something that had ever been said to me before. Sure, I know that Endometriosis is incurable, its a chronic disease you get for life after all. But what I hadn't ever considered was the pain would potentially only ever get worse and never ease up. We go through all these operations, procedures and trialling various drugs to get that relief. And to do that we need the hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel to get us through the side effects and the recovery after each operation. Now all of a sudden …

Another Me Update

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Its been over a month since my last post. Why? Well, in all honesty, I was struggling with writing about Endo when it was consuming so much of my time and thoughts already. Trying to put it down on paper (or on a computer in this case!) was very hard and I have always said I would only continue with my blog when it was working for me. It was meant to help, not hinder me. There was so much hope and optimism that my surgery would make a difference to my pain, and so when it didn't, it was a massive disappointment. Not just for me but those around me too. Things have been tricky, and as I wrote in my previous posts, the reality of the big op happening is very slowly sinking in. However, as it sinks it, it means I can also start to process it and get my head around the emotions that come with it. That comes with time and the break has been good for me. For a while it felt like everything was very negative but we're on the up. So here I am, I'm back and typing away...

So whats …

Progress...

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It was two weekends ago that my pain was even worse than usual. It had been building for over a week and so reluctantly I gave in and made an appointment at my GP surgery on the Sunday morning. I went in and was checked over. Nothing unusual was found but I was advised to get back to my gynae as soon as possible and an internal scan was requested to see what was going on. I was sent away with 100 codeine tablets and 84 anti sickness pills. I was definitely going to rattle! With the shed load of pills, I was also given the advice that if the pain got worse to go straight to A&E. Well, 4 hours later thats where my sister and I were sitting. Great. Just where everybody wants to be on a Sunday night!

We spent 5 hours at the hospital. I was checked over again and had bloods taken. It was busy as always. Just before they were going to get a gynae consultant to see me, they asked for a urine test. Now I had done one at the doctors in the morning but I obliged naturally. Just as well they…

Is it back?

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This week marked 13 weeks since my excision surgery. In some ways it feels like a lifetime ago but equally it also only feels like yesterday. The fact I'm not back at work full time doesn't help with that feeling but its what my body needs and I know I should listen to it, as difficult as that can be. However, in listening to my body this week I've also started to wonder, is the Endo back already?

Last Friday as I got up to start preparing some food for dinner, I had a stabbing sensation in my lower left abdomen. As per the normal reaction for cramps, I bent over and crouched down praying for the pain to pass. But it didn't. In fact it got worse, to the point where I ended up simply just sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor. Every time I moved, the pain intensified making me feel sick and filling me with panic. I started to wonder how I was going to get off the floor. I even started thinking about how dreadful spending a night in A&E was going to be! Luckily,…