30th June
It was the day I had been waiting for, and as my phone rang with a familiar number, my tummy churned and I quickly answered. "Hello" "Hello is that Amy Hook?" "Yes speaking" "Hi Amy, I'm calling from the Gynaecology department at Colchester Hospital, I have a date for your operation.".
As many of you know, I have been on the wait list for a hysterectomy with excision of endometriosis since last June. It's been a long wait but one that I knew I had to be patient with. In my mind, I thought the end of the year or maybe even the beginning of next year was most likely for the op. I had plenty of time. So when the lady went on to say "Is the 30th June okay for you?" I was left a little speechless and I found myself simply replying with "Wow, so soon?!".
So here I am 4 days later, and 5 weeks out from the operation, writing my next blog post whilst on a plane home from a few days in Berlin for work. I feel so many emotions but then absolutely numb at the same time. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed, it's like it's come out of nowhere and I'm so unprepared. I thought after a few days I would be able to express how I'm feeling a bit clearer but still my brain is a little frazzled and I find myself wanting to hide away from everyone and everything. It doesn't feel real. Theres a smile on my face but behind that my mind is racing with thoughts of whats to come, its consuming. I would say I've been ready for a while for this but now I question if I'm really really ready. I'm terrified of the operation, and not just how I'll feel physically but more so how I'll feel mentally and emotionally after. I know it's going to be a tough few months, and I know I'm going to struggle. I don't want to push anyone away and yet its exactly what my mind is telling me to do. I'm finding it hard to even talk about the prospect of it to anyone, its like if I talk about it the more real it gets. But I need to get my head around the fact it is real, and it is happening.
Its going to take me some time to process. Its going to take me some time to be able to speak about it. But please just be patient with me. Now and after.
A x
As many of you know, I have been on the wait list for a hysterectomy with excision of endometriosis since last June. It's been a long wait but one that I knew I had to be patient with. In my mind, I thought the end of the year or maybe even the beginning of next year was most likely for the op. I had plenty of time. So when the lady went on to say "Is the 30th June okay for you?" I was left a little speechless and I found myself simply replying with "Wow, so soon?!".
So here I am 4 days later, and 5 weeks out from the operation, writing my next blog post whilst on a plane home from a few days in Berlin for work. I feel so many emotions but then absolutely numb at the same time. I'm feeling pretty overwhelmed, it's like it's come out of nowhere and I'm so unprepared. I thought after a few days I would be able to express how I'm feeling a bit clearer but still my brain is a little frazzled and I find myself wanting to hide away from everyone and everything. It doesn't feel real. Theres a smile on my face but behind that my mind is racing with thoughts of whats to come, its consuming. I would say I've been ready for a while for this but now I question if I'm really really ready. I'm terrified of the operation, and not just how I'll feel physically but more so how I'll feel mentally and emotionally after. I know it's going to be a tough few months, and I know I'm going to struggle. I don't want to push anyone away and yet its exactly what my mind is telling me to do. I'm finding it hard to even talk about the prospect of it to anyone, its like if I talk about it the more real it gets. But I need to get my head around the fact it is real, and it is happening.
Its going to take me some time to process. Its going to take me some time to be able to speak about it. But please just be patient with me. Now and after.
A x
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