100th Post!

Firstly I want to start by thanking everyone for continuing to follow my blog. This is my 100th post which is insane! I started this not knowing if anyone would ever read it and now so many of you send me lovely supportive messages which are an amazing lift when I need it. So thank you thank you thank you!

Its been a busy week. I've been away training on my Global Talent Programme in Cambridge with my fellow cohort members. Its been tough but I've really enjoyed myself. Not only that but it came at just the right time to provide me with the perfect distraction with the impending operation next week. Naturally my body didn't quite let me forget and I've felt pretty rough especially yesterday when I was feeling horribly sick. Its been the first time in a while that my tummy has been so bloated that I've been unable to do my trousers up and the pain was pretty intense with it too. As always, with the feeling unwell, along came the frustration with it. This disease takes away so much from people but damn it, it doesn't get any easier. I'm so lucky that those around me are understanding and don't judge me though. For that I am grateful.

Whilst I was away I also received a letter from the hospital. It wasn't the news I had hoped. Back in October 2015 I had uterine embolisation to treat my adenomyosis. In October 2016, my MRI showed a reduction in the womb volume which showed it had been successful, even if my pain hadn't reduced. However, my MRI that I had last month showed an increase in the volume again which means the adenomyosis has got worse since the procedure. My consultant enquired to see if I could undergo a second round of the embolisation due to the significance of the adenomyosis. He was hopeful that with this we could delay the hysterectomy, even just for another year. Unfortunately, the letter was from the doctor who dd my procedure in 2015. He said that he had never treated anyone for adenomyosis with a second round of embolisation and that actually his feeling was that it would be less successful, and that it would in fact come with higher risks. Not only that, he also didn't even know if it was technically possible to do the procedure a second time! Its another blow on this rollercoaster ride I call life! I only hope next week can bring me some relief so that I have some more time before the big op.

One thing that I took away from this week, and something that really stuck, was from a coaching session that I had with another member of the team. At the end of the 45 minutes, she said to me "I want to leave one thing with you" she continued on to say "Be kind to yourself. You have a lot to deal with over the next couple of months. In order to come back stronger and be successful in the way you want next year, you need to be kind to yourself". So many of us are hard on ourselves for not being able to do the things we want. We have such high expectations that we forget that actually we're only human. I know I'm one of those people. But I also know deep down that beating myself up isn't going to help anyone, especially not me! So thank you to my coach for that, and to all of you reading my blog, remember to be kind to yourself too. Forgive yourself for the days you don't leave the house. And love yourself even when you feel like your body is failing you.

A x

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