Is it back?

This week marked 13 weeks since my excision surgery. In some ways it feels like a lifetime ago but equally it also only feels like yesterday. The fact I'm not back at work full time doesn't help with that feeling but its what my body needs and I know I should listen to it, as difficult as that can be. However, in listening to my body this week I've also started to wonder, is the Endo back already?

Last Friday as I got up to start preparing some food for dinner, I had a stabbing sensation in my lower left abdomen. As per the normal reaction for cramps, I bent over and crouched down praying for the pain to pass. But it didn't. In fact it got worse, to the point where I ended up simply just sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor. Every time I moved, the pain intensified making me feel sick and filling me with panic. I started to wonder how I was going to get off the floor. I even started thinking about how dreadful spending a night in A&E was going to be! Luckily, Bex was home and she grabbed me my bag so I could take some painkillers. I wasn't going anywhere and got comfy on the floor before eventually the pills kicked in and the pain eased enough for me to get to my bed. That was the start of the pain.

The rest of the weekend presented further pain. It continued niggling away and letting me know something wasn't quite right. In my normal stubborn way, I carried on but kept up with pills and took it easy. Every bit of food I put in my body, my tummy bloated, feeling tight and making me look pregnant! The sickness feeling never quite left either, warning me not to push it too far. It all came to a bit of a head on Tuesday when I had to take the day off work. My head was raging, I felt horribly sick and the pain was once again stabbing me like a knife. At that point I was back to the should I go to the doctors/hospital conversation with myself. Typically, the snow had started falling heavily and getting there wasn't going to be easy. So I decided to stick it out with the codeine and hot water bottle instead. I slept during the day as I hate how the strong pills make me feel and I just accepted that it was one battle I wasn't going to win.

Here I am now on Friday night and I'm still feeling pretty rotten. I'm used to having the flares. I'm fortunate that actually I tend to only get really bad ones every couple of months unlike some who get them monthly. But what does concern me is that it was only 3 months ago that I had my Endo removed, so why am I getting this intense pain again so soon?! Until you have it removed, they don't know how aggressively it will grow back. And of course, theres always a chance it will grow back super fast. Its just another part of this disease that keeps us on our toes I guess, but naturally you hope you have one of the slower growing bastards to give you more time! Unfortunately, I can't tell without an MRI but its that cliche thing where people say about telling if something isn't right because its your own body. And thats exactly where I'm at. Something simply isn't right.

I obviously have the Adenomyosis to deal with too, and it was always suspected that this was the primary cause for my pain. So based on this and my level of pain, I've made the decision and taken the step to sign up to Private Medical Insurance to get the hysterectomy done sooner rather than later. Its not a decision I've taken lightly and I'll be having counselling to ensure I'm 100% ready to go down that road. But ultimately at 27, I can't keep going with the level of pain I've been experiencing. Its got considerably worse over the last year and I want my life back. Its going to be a tough ride and there will certainly be highs and lows but for me, its the right choice. I'm lucky to have the support system in place to get me through and fortunate to have an understanding company behind me. It may not be a cure for my Endo but it will remove one part of the problem and if I can eliminate some of the issue, its a step in the right direction.

There are still a lot of conversations still to be had but its time to get the ball rolling, especially after this week of pain...

A x






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