Endo 1 - Amy 0

Its been a while since I've been online. In all honesty I've been struggling with giving Endometriosis more of my time then it deserves. When I started this blog it motivated me and I genuinely felt like it was helping me. But recently, its been the last thing I've wanted to do. Why do I want to talk about something that has already taken so much from me. Why would I want to talk about something I have nothing positive to say about. Why would I spend my time writing about something that has consumed so much of my time already...Well, I guess I probably write about it for all three of the reasons that I've just written. So here I am, writing, again.

Its been a few months since I had a real bad flare up. 6 months in fact. I've been fortunate to be able to deal with the general day to day pain. Even when it creeps up on me and hits me a little harder, I've been able to cope. Managing it with over the counter pain medication and choosing to be stubborn and work through it on most occasions. But then this week happened.

I felt rubbish all weekend. Feeling sick, light headed and generally sore with tummy cramps. But as I went to bed on Sunday night, it was like it suddenly hit me and as I was walking up to bed after putting the furbabies away for the night, I started getting intense stabbing pain in the left side of my lower abdomen. I instantly felt sick and uneasy at the pain. Where the hell did this come from?! What was happening?! Needless to say, I didn't sleep well that night and when I opened my eyes on Monday morning, it wasn't just the usual 'oh no its Monday' thoughts that crossed my mind. I knew work wasn't an option, and that even I, couldn't fight through it this time.

Monday I stayed in bed. I knew it was bad because I hit the codeine. Man that makes me feel horrid. My whole body just goes numb which is great because the pain eases but I just don't feel in control. Its like I'm not in my own body and theres nothing I can do about it. Tuesday came round and once again I knew I wasn't getting to work. In fact my thoughts were different that morning. They were replaced with, I best text Mum and see whether shes around to take me to see the doctor!! I felt worse on the Tuesday and once the nausea had passed we were able to head out to get me checked over.

Unfortunately it was the usual story of being sent away with more medication once I had been through the usual blood pressure and observation checks. "I don't know what to do" she said "I think we just have to deal with it via pain management". *sigh*

I guess the rest is history. I made it back to work today (Thursday) even though perhaps I shouldn't have. But I have to fight through it for my own sanity. I should be grateful that the last time I ended up at the hospital with pain at this level was in February. But it seems to get scarier every time. It makes me wonder what is going on inside my body. Are things getting worse? Is there any permanent damage happening every time this occurs? They're questions that I just can't answer! And so I guess I will just keep on wondering, at least until November when I finally have my excision surgery.

Now whilst it sounds all quite negative, one thing that does come as a positive when these flare ups happen, is realising how many people I have who I can call on in the bad times. I appreciate every single one of you who take the time to message me, or to those closer to me, who take the time to get me what I need or take me to the places I need to be. That's one thing that this disease has shown more than ever, that whilst I am unlucky to have endo and adeno, I am damn lucky to have those people in my life. Hey its all about the silver linings n all that!

I promise to not leave it so long next time. Speak soon.

A x


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