Dealing with Mental Health.... from the other side

My blogs often focus on the pain or emotion associated with living with a chronic illness. I've spoken about finding myself in the darkest parts of my mind, and the struggle of dealing with emotions that can cause you to spiral. Unfortunately, the majority of us can relate and know exactly how that feels. However, what I haven't spoken about is being on the other side of that mental health, and watching someone you care about go down that all too familiar path. A path of destruction, and into a very very dark place.

At the beginning of this year, I found myself in a very surreal and scary situation. One that I wouldn't wish upon anyone. A situation that you can't possibly know how you will deal with until you are there living it. A situation you never want to find yourself in but that too many of us have had to deal with, and a situation that will quite frankly change you forever...

Someone I cared very much about took an overdose and tried to end their life. 

There are so many emotions that hit when you hear those words. There are equally just as many questions that you want answering. You wonder if there was anything you could have done to help them, to stop them thinking that was the only way out. You find yourself questioning your decisions and whether you were any part of the reason why they took that option. You find yourself feeling extremely guilty, wondering if you had missed a cry for help or something that would have stopped them taking the pills. And before you know it, it has consumed your every thought of every minute of every day.

Thankfully I'm able to say they are okay, but not everyone gets to say the same. And whilst that is clearly the best outcome in this scenario, the better option would have been for it never to have happened in the first place.

I've heard of so many women taking their own lives due to Endometriosis. Whether its because they can't live with the daily pain, or because they're not being taken seriously and can't get the treatment they so desperately need. Or quite simply because the huge impact living with a chronic illness has on your mental health. We are all very different in how we deal with our emotions, and its so easy not to consider the impact it has on those people around us who love and care about us too. I know that when I've been low, other people are the last thing on mind and its exceptionally hard to consider anyone else in those moments. Previously my Dad wrote a post about how it feels seeing me in pain, and the importance of talking and letting people know how you are feeling. That couldn't be more true. 

I will forever be changed, and I will never forget that day. This isn't me making this about me, but recognising the impact it has on everyone involved is equally as important. I was shattered, and I still am. But purely because I was so distraught that they thought that was the only way out. I really hope that everyone knows I am here. There is always another way. So please never give up.

A x

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