'Its Not The Endo The World...'

I started this year in a bad place. I sat and read my posts from the beginning of the year, and as I read through my blog, it felt like it was someone else writing them. Statements such as  'I find myself wondering how I will cope with this for the rest of my life' o r ' I don't want to face how devastated I am, or how numb I feel ' or ' I'm not sure I was prepared for my heart to feel this broken '  makes me wonder was that really me writing those things?  I'm not ashamed to say the first 6 months of this year was a tough time and that I was struggling. But perhaps looking back now, I realise how much I was struggling. I was still recovering from my surgery at the end of 2017, and the pain hadn't eased with it. Discussions started about a hysterectomy and I turned to fertility counselling. The realisation that I wouldn't have the one thing I wanted the most started to sink in, and the thought that I would never be rid of this horrid disea...

I’ve been tossing up for a while now whether to write another blog post. It’s been a couple of months since my last update and I’ve neglected my blog since. The truth of it is I’ve used the last three months in Australia to run away from the reality of my situation. I’ve been able to (for the most part) shut off my thinking about the appointments, procedures and operations that are to come in the next couple of years. And it’s been bliss. Yes I’ve had my bad days. And yes at times it’s been a struggle. But I've also been able to just be me, without the endometriosis, without the adenomyosis, and without the heartache that it all brings with it. Having a break from the frequent hospital appointments, the feelings of jealousy and resentment, and the enormity of whats to come was needed. I’ve felt a bit like the old Amy, the Amy who had a life outside of endometriosis, the Amy before everything changed. It’s funny how when you go somewhere different you can change your mindset. It wa...

Its been a while. I said I was going to take a couple of weeks off and its turned into almost a month away. It was needed. I was feeling really low. Writing about how I felt has helped me enormously in the past, not only with getting things off my mind but with accepting the cards I had been dealt. But it was actually starting to make things worse for me. I needed to stop letting this disease completely consume me. There is a lot of negativity that comes with living with something you know will never been cured. Not long ago we lost a member of the Endo community. The pain and the lack of help made her feel like there was no other way out. I know what it is like to have dark days, but I hope to never ever feel like there is nothing but complete darkness like she did. And that is part of the reason I write this blog. To help me but to also help others know they aren't alone. So here I am! Back sitting here, writing to you all. Its been a good couple of weeks. A we...