'Its Not The Endo The World...'

At the end of last year, I decided I couldn’t wait another 5 months to discuss my latest MRI results in person. I had received a letter saying the adenomyosis was more prominent and for me that was all the confirmation I needed. I wasn’t imagining it, the pain was getting worse and I needed something to be done. I should start by saying I recognise how lucky I am. Not everyone can afford to go private for treatment, especially as a self funding patient. I knew it was going to be pricy but I was at the end of my tether and just needed help. So within a week of enquiring, I was booked in for a consultancy appointment at The Oaks hospital in Colchester knowing I was going to be £180 lighter for a 20 min conversation. Ouch. But hopefully a worthy conversation! Fortunately I was able to see my normal consultant from the NHS privately. However, I was concerned he wouldn’t recognise me or know any of my history, after all he sees hundreds of thousands of women a time, why would he remember me...

Its been 7 months since I wrote a blog. A lot has happened since then. I've got a new job. I've moved to the other side of the world to live in Australia. And perhaps most importantly, I've become an Auntie to my gorgeous little nephew Freddie. Back in December I wrote about the journey before he was born. The pregnancy announcement, the baby conversations and the general struggle that I had gone through, but I haven't written since. I had fallen out of love with writing, and I had fallen back into the all too familiar routine of dealing with things on my own and not sharing. That was until last week when I was reminded why I write. I was approached by someone who said that they had been reading my blog. They had related to some of my posts and appreciated the rollercoaster of emotions that were involved in my story. There had been more emotions since and so it was at that point, I decided I needed to pick up the pen (or keyboard) and write another post. But this time, ...

I started this year in a bad place. I sat and read my posts from the beginning of the year, and as I read through my blog, it felt like it was someone else writing them. Statements such as  'I find myself wondering how I will cope with this for the rest of my life' o r ' I don't want to face how devastated I am, or how numb I feel ' or ' I'm not sure I was prepared for my heart to feel this broken '  makes me wonder was that really me writing those things?  I'm not ashamed to say the first 6 months of this year was a tough time and that I was struggling. But perhaps looking back now, I realise how much I was struggling. I was still recovering from my surgery at the end of 2017, and the pain hadn't eased with it. Discussions started about a hysterectomy and I turned to fertility counselling. The realisation that I wouldn't have the one thing I wanted the most started to sink in, and the thought that I would never be rid of this horrid disea...