'Its Not The Endo The World...'

On the 17 May, I had my long awaited follow up appointment with my consultant. This was the first time I had seen him since my surgery at the end of November last year. I wasn't entirely sure what to expect, but what I did know was that the operation hadn't given me the results I had hoped and my pain was still at an all time high. However, I wasn't expecting what he had to say... The words "you may never get any relief, nothing may help you" weren't something that had ever been said to me before. Sure, I know that Endometriosis is incurable, its a chronic disease you get for life after all. But what I hadn't ever considered was the pain would potentially only ever get worse and never ease up. We go through all these operations, procedures and trialling various drugs to get that relief. And to do that we need the hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel to get us through the side effects and the recovery after each operation. Now all of a sudden...

Two and a half weeks post op and I feel worse than I did when I wrote my last post a week after surgery. They always say recovery is a rollercoaster and it certainly has its ups and downs. This week I've been struggling with intense cramps that make me just want to curl up in a ball, and pounding headaches that make me want to bury my head under a pillow. Its been particularly frustrating seeing as my physical wounds are healing very well and I'm now able to walk around normally, rather than being scared that the slightest wrong movement could reopen an incision. That said I have managed to venture out for an hour here and there to catch up with family and friends to stop myself from going completely mad from cabin fever. Although laying under a blanket, with the cats, watching Christmas films by the Christmas tree lights hasn't been too much of a hardship with how I've been feeling. I know I'm still healing after major surgery but its hard not to worry that the ...

Well it turns out my positive pants didn't do the trick this time. Yesterday I wrote about a bad headache that wasn't shifting. So you can only imagine my disappointment when I woke with it again this morning. But this time it was even worse! I got up ready for work but quickly realised it wasn't going to happen today. Sitting in front of a computer screen all day with what now felt like a migraine wasn't going to work. I admitted defeat and texted my manager (hello if you're reading!). It's been a day of popping various pills to see what helps. Firstly migraine tablets, then codeine. I hate taking codeine so I only give in to it when I absolutely have to. It makes me feel all kinds of funny! But needs must. Now as I'm writing this my headache is still pounding and the stabbing pain has begun in my pelvic area so perhaps it's not just a migraine and actually a flare up that I'm suffering with. It comes back to the usual situation of never knowi...

I knew I wasn't completely myself when I woke up this morning. You know when you just know?! So when I got a text this morning announcing someone I knew was pregnant, it wasn't a huge surprise when the tears started falling down my cheeks. Its the first time I've cried when hearing the news of a pregnancy. I've written previously about how hard it is but I've never actually cried. But this morning the tears wouldn't stop. It stopped being about the other person and all about the sadness for myself. The fact that they had what I was never going to have. The fact that it had happened to me. The fact that right in that moment I felt alone with my sadness. And then I felt guilty. Guilty that I had made it about myself. Guilty that I was crying over what is the happiest news for them. Guilty that I had so much to be grateful for. Which of course then led to more tears. It didn't last long. I needed to cry but I wasn't going to let it rule my day. So after...

Todays post is courtesy of my Best Friend who went to order my prescription for my Prostap injection in readiness for next Tuesday. Any of these medications which put the body into an early menopause require ordering into the pharmacy. I had it before with the Decapeptyl, and now with the Prostap. And they ALWAYS cause confusion with the pharmacists behind the counter (tip: set up a recurring order so its ready and waiting for you every month). So yesterday when Bex went into Boots she knew it wasn't going to be an easy task. The lady behind the counter obviously hadn't heard of the name before and so asked what it was for. Bex advised that it was to put the body into the menopause. The lady laughed. Now I'm assuming that was a laugh as she thought it was a joke or something. Otherwise I have no idea why someone would laugh at that!! Anyway, off she went and on her return she had another two members of staff. One of them obviously confirmed the u...

I'm lacking my inspiration and motivation today. I didn't sleep well last night and so I'm tired. But on this freezing cold Monday morning, I saw that my blog had gone even more Global. Thanks to Endometriosis Awareness on Facebook, my blog was seen by so many more of you Endo Warriors and their families. So firstly, hi! And thank you for taking the time to come and read my story. I thought I'd give an update on how I'm feeling since my injection. Its a week tomorrow until I get my next Prostap injection which means I'm 3 weeks into the cycle. The pain has eased since the first couple of weeks but I'm still struggling more than I was before the injection. Though according to the nurse that is to be expected. I'm a little anxious about the next one. On top of the horrendous pain, the first bought on a water infection which caused more pain and discomfort. But hopefully that won't happen again. My moods aren't too bad, although I am a little less...

One thing I was worried about with going public with my disease was peoples perception of me changing. As mentioned previously, I don't want to appear weak or incapable of doing things. I don't want people to think I am using my disease as an excuse for not meeting up, or pulling out of a gym session, or not getting into work for the day. Every day I am determined not to let this disease shape my life. I am determined to get up, get dressed and go to work on a daily basis. I am determined to get up at 6am and go to the gym and work out because I enjoy it. I am determined to see the people I love, and live each day to the best that I can. Sure, there are days that the endo and ade do get the better of me. There are days when I have to text my manager saying I can't make it into the office today. There have even been days that I've been sent home because they can see I'm in pain. Yes, I don't get to the gym as much as I used to and my nutrition isn't as st...

One of the symptoms I have struggled to adjust to the most is the dizziness. That moment when you're in the middle of something and all of a sudden you feel light headed or faint. That moment where you panic that you are about to make a fool of yourself in front of your work colleagues, or the strangers in the shop. No doubt its something you have all experienced at some point in your journey. I started to research what I could do to help with the sudden dizziness that I was experiencing. I was willing to try anything to take away the anxiety that I felt when going out, worrying that at any point I would need to stop and take a seat. Well ladies, the answer is vitamins. After scaling the internet, I found several other Endo Warriors saying they had tried various vitamins, not only to help with dizziness but also the other symptoms endo/ade put upon us. I now take Bioglan Womens Multi-Vitamins on a daily basis. In fact I take two a day. One in the morning and one at night. Wha...