'Its Not The Endo The World...'

I started this year in a bad place. I sat and read my posts from the beginning of the year, and as I read through my blog, it felt like it was someone else writing them. Statements such as  'I find myself wondering how I will cope with this for the rest of my life' o r ' I don't want to face how devastated I am, or how numb I feel ' or ' I'm not sure I was prepared for my heart to feel this broken '  makes me wonder was that really me writing those things?  I'm not ashamed to say the first 6 months of this year was a tough time and that I was struggling. But perhaps looking back now, I realise how much I was struggling. I was still recovering from my surgery at the end of 2017, and the pain hadn't eased with it. Discussions started about a hysterectomy and I turned to fertility counselling. The realisation that I wouldn't have the one thing I wanted the most started to sink in, and the thought that I would never be rid of this horrid disea...

I’ve been tossing up for a while now whether to write another blog post. It’s been a couple of months since my last update and I’ve neglected my blog since. The truth of it is I’ve used the last three months in Australia to run away from the reality of my situation. I’ve been able to (for the most part) shut off my thinking about the appointments, procedures and operations that are to come in the next couple of years. And it’s been bliss. Yes I’ve had my bad days. And yes at times it’s been a struggle. But I've also been able to just be me, without the endometriosis, without the adenomyosis, and without the heartache that it all brings with it. Having a break from the frequent hospital appointments, the feelings of jealousy and resentment, and the enormity of whats to come was needed. I’ve felt a bit like the old Amy, the Amy who had a life outside of endometriosis, the Amy before everything changed. It’s funny how when you go somewhere different you can change your mindset. It wa...

I have no idea where the past year has gone. It only feels like yesterday that we were leaving 2016 behind us and looking forward to what 2017 was going to hold. As I look back, theres been a lot of good that has come my way, but I also recognise that its been a pretty tough year too. My health has taken up a huge part of my year, and not in a good way. I spent the majority of the year waiting for my operation, but as I was doing so my health deteriorated quite considerably. I've had multiple days out of the office, and missed out on family/friend engagements more than ever before. I've had many trips to the doctors or hospital, whether thats through unexpected pain or planned appointments. Finally, and perhaps the biggest bump in the road, was the confirmation that my consultant can now justify the hysterectomy that no one wants to think about, but that is inevitable in the next couple of years.  Its been a rollercoaster ride, one that has tested my positivity and at ti...

Two and a half weeks post op and I feel worse than I did when I wrote my last post a week after surgery. They always say recovery is a rollercoaster and it certainly has its ups and downs. This week I've been struggling with intense cramps that make me just want to curl up in a ball, and pounding headaches that make me want to bury my head under a pillow. Its been particularly frustrating seeing as my physical wounds are healing very well and I'm now able to walk around normally, rather than being scared that the slightest wrong movement could reopen an incision. That said I have managed to venture out for an hour here and there to catch up with family and friends to stop myself from going completely mad from cabin fever. Although laying under a blanket, with the cats, watching Christmas films by the Christmas tree lights hasn't been too much of a hardship with how I've been feeling. I know I'm still healing after major surgery but its hard not to worry that the ...

Yesterday bought the fourth of our North Essex Endometriosis UK support meetings and a chance to meet up with the ladies I now am lucky enough to consider my friends. As always we covered some interesting topics but one in particular really made me think about my situation. Infertility and acceptance. As you know many women with Endometriosis suffer with infertility, and for those of us with Adenomyosis we often face the prospect of a hysterectomy at some point in our lives. For many, that is a bitter and hard pill to swallow, regardless of your age. But as one of those women who were diagnosed and given this news at an early age, I have felt like a ticking time bomb ever since. The question was asked in the group yesterday whether having the diagnosis at an earlier age would have been preferable from a fertility point of view compared to someone who was diagnosed with Endo at a later age... When I was given the news at the age of 23, I was insta...

Well May hasn't started too badly but my goodness I am tired! Monday I went to see The Shires which meant a late night and 5.5 hours sleep which hasn't set me up very well for the busy week I am having. However, I won't let tiredness stop my productivity! I had a great day at work and smashed out a load of work which has put me in a pretty good mood. Off to London again tomorrow so that'll add to the tiredness some more but these things have got to be done. Today I ordered my Endo Co bracelet which is in the pic below. I'm super excited to get my hands on it so am hoping it arrives quicker than the 10-15 business day delivery it states!! You can find the bracelets for sale at the link below. 30% of the proceeds will be donated to the Endometriosis Coalition to help raise awareness and research.  https://www.motif.me/collections/trending-the-endo-co/products/the-endo-co-bracelet-10001497 A x

Its been a busy but positive few days. Friday was a productive and successful day, I managed to sort my mortgage and save myself some pennies. Plus I received a phone call which contained some feedback from work which was so positive and uplifting. I worry about my work sometimes and the impact this disease has on how I perform at my role, including the time I miss due to being unwell. So its a massive boost when I hear that people think I'm doing so well. Saturday I woke up nervous because it was my first Endometriosis UK Support Group. The idea of walking into a place where I don't know anyone is always daunting but I promised myself I would make the effort to attend. Well, I don't know what I was worried about! Everyone was really lovely and I'm looking forward to the next meeting already. The only problem was I had to leave halfway through because typically my little Pebbles got ill and needed to be taken straight to the vets! £95 and over an hour in the waiting...

Its always hard for people to know how to deal with someone who has Endometriosis. What do you say? You can't say anything that will help the feelings of loss and sadness of dealing with a lifelong disease. What can you do? You can't take away the pain that they suffer with day in day out. How can you help? You can't do anything whilst they are curled up in pain high on meds. Its easy to think you can't help or say the right things. But remember, those of us who suffer do hear the nice things you say to us when we're feeling low. We do recognise that you would take the pain away if you could. And we do appreciate all the things you do to help make our lives easier. This post was a great read and gives some pointers if you're wondering how to help! Have a read here:  https://ribbonrx.com/2016/12/03/how-to-support-a-loved-one-who-has-endometriosis/ Thank you to all those that support me. A x

YES!!! I made it back! After 3 long frustrating weeks, I got my arse into gear and got back in the gym this morning. Its amazing how much of a boost it gives you when you finally get something done that has been annoying you SO much. On top of that I got to go for breakfast with my best friend and actually enjoy it without feeling sick or bloated after eating! Woohoo! I've got a busy few days off ahead. Tomorrow food shop and popping into town, Saturday I have the first North Essex Endometriosis support group set up by Endometriosis UK. Sunday I'm off to the Grand Designs Show at the Excel in London and Monday is finished off with a meal and seeing The Shires at the Ipswich Regent. I'm excited for the next few days. Its a good feeling after feeling low and groggy for the last couple of weeks. Fingers crossed the positiveness continues... A x

Its amazing what a few days off, with great company and lovely weather does for the soul. My 4 days off have been fab. Its been productive but spent making precious happy memories too. Today I am grateful. Grateful for the people I have in my life. Grateful for the home that I live in with my beautiful fur babies. Grateful that I am so fortunate to be where I am. Some days Endo can really bring me down. But thats not today. And it won't take away the happiness that I've got from the past few days. I am ending the weekend a happy girlie. A x

What a week! Work has been crazy busy with the project I've been working on and with today being the deadline for some of the work, it was always going to be. Yesterday I worked from home due to pain and nausea. Well I have no time for that (!!) but I have learnt more so in the last year than ever that I have to listen to my body. But needless to say I refuse for it to stop me for too long so I was back in the office today. Been lucky to work with some good people on this project so at least theres some laughter to go with the work. And the hard work paid off. Today we finished the week on a high with a good result for the team. Not only did we finish on a high, it was my last full week of work until mid May. Lots of holiday and bank holidays coming up to make my working weeks shorter. Happy days! Now its time to relax and enjoy the weekend... hope you all do too! A x

What a week! I haven't posted due to being pretty busy over the last few days. But its genuinely been a really good few days... I've been dreading my Advisor Milestone course in London since it was booked last year. I knew it was going to contain role play and I really couldn't think of anything worse. But it wasn't what I expected at all. Instead it was actually enjoyable. I got to meet new people from all over the world. Make new friends. And I actually smashed the role pay parts of the course! Not only that but I got to meet up with my old team leader for a coffee before the course both days. Its been tiring but I feel like I've achieved something. And now the course is done, it feels like I can actually start looking ahead, instead of dreading these two dates! My pain has been letting me know its not far away, I know my limits, I just have to stay within them rather than pushing myself too much. Thats why this weekend is gonna be nothing but relaxing. ...

I'm not sure if it's just a coincidence, or whether I'm just having a good stretch but I'm feeling positive. The pain is there but not half as bad as it has been the last couple of months. My mood is on the up and I'm feeling optimistic about things. The only downside is my skin is breaking out since stopping the injections but I'm guessing that's my body getting used to those lovely hormones again. It's amazing when you have a period of time where you start to see your old self coming through after a dark painful time. It feels good. Like really good. Don't let Endometriosis take away your sparkle! A x

I was determined to get back to work today. I woke in pain at 5.20am, with crippling stomach cramps. My only thoughts were "Oh no Endo, you ain't gonna stop me, not today!". I've still felt pretty rough all day. Bad pain in my pelvic area and feeling particularly light headed. I tried to keep up with healthy snacks and plenty of water all day to try ease the fuzzy head. The 30 minute walk in the fresh air and sunshine at lunch really helped to blow the cobwebs away and I actually felt much better after. Isn't it amazing how a little sunshine can really lift your spirits. It makes me excited for the Spring. Today was a better day. And thank goodness it was. A x

When I woke up this morning at 5.30am and knew I was still in pain, I was heartbroken. I didn't want to waste another day feeling sorry for myself under a blanket in pain. When I went downstairs and my Bestie asked how I was feeling and I responded saying the same, her response was "you don't look unwell". She followed on by saying I was always smiling and its only since I started this blog that others really appreciated what this disease was putting me through. I've always been pretty discreet about it all. I've never wanted to be seen to complain and I've never been particularly forthcoming with the details on my illness unless someone asks. For most people, the mention of anything that involves "womens stuff" is enough to put them off asking any more questions. I am feeling a bit better today, I can see light at the end of the tunnel (or this flare up at least). I'm still poorly, but not like the last few days thankfully. I've got ...

Determined to get back on the healthy train to make myself feel better. Tonights meal was a steamed haddock fillet, green beans, broccoli, roast sweet potato cubes, and a chilli and garlic dressing. Pretty tasty. Just need to get my sleep back on track next please! A x

I woke up early today and as usual read the Endo stories and questions on the forums on Facebook. I'm not sure why but today in particular everything seemed really negative. And instead of feeling better after reading some of the posts, I felt worse. I've always said that if I were to write a blog, I didn't want it to all be negative. Yes there will always be some negativity, after all, its a chronic disease that causes nothing but pain. But I wanted to be the person who tried to find the positives in the darkest times. When you're feeling low, its always so much harder to find the good things about your day. Its all too easy to focus on the pain that you're experiencing. Or the prang in the car park you've had this week causing unnecessary outgoings to fix the car. Or the glass of squash you spilt over the booth seats in the break out area at work. (Yes they have all happened to me this week before you ask!). But you've got to remember all the positives too...