Hospital Appointment

I've had an odd day. First thing I headed into London, suited and booted, ready for an interview for an exciting opportunity at work. I was nervous but excited. I was anxious but determined. And although they didn't give anything away, I was pleased with my presentation. I felt good. The pressure had been lifted and I had done everything I could to give myself the best possible chance. I made my way back to Colchester feeling pretty happy with myself.

And then I got a voicemail from the hospital....

As you know I've been waiting for my operation date. I was put in for the op on 5th December 2016. The NHS waiting times state patients should be treated within 18 weeks of referral for the procedure. Keep that in mind when I tell you the next part. The voicemail was advising I finally had a operation date. My first thought "YES!! Finally! Pain free days are coming!". The next part of the voicemail was "you're booked in for 30th November 2017". My next thought "thats 5 months away!". My heart sank. Thats 51 weeks compared to the 18 weeks the guidelines state. I rang the nurse back pleading for a sooner date, but I was simply told "we just need to get you through the next 5 months".

How? How can you possibly get me through the next 5 months when I've tried all the possible hormone therapies. I have put my body through hell, putting it into early menopause and pumping it fall of various drugs to no avail. How are you possibly going to make the next 5 months bearable when I have run out of options?!

Now I usually try and keep my blogs as positive as possible but I don't know how to do that right now. All I can think is how am I going to get through the next 5 months. I know my pain is getting worse and has been getting increasingly worse since the beginning of the year. And I know ultimately the things I want to do will happen less and less if it continues. I am struggling to see the good. Sure having the whole of December off is nice, but I missed last Christmas due to illness, am I going to miss a second year due to this?! It also means I can complete my role as Ops Lead on my project at work, but if my health continues to deteriorate will I be needing to take more time off anyway?

I know some people just think Endometriosis and Adenomyosis is like having a bad period but its so much more than that. Its agony and the pain can stop you in your tracks. It takes away your social life. It makes the prospect of dating horrifying. It impacts every aspect of your life, including those around you. It changes how you ever imagined your life being. And it can take you to a very dark place.

Today I can't get past the negatives. And for someone who always tries to see the good in situations and remain positive, I am failing miserably....

A x


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