Me Update
Its been a busy few weeks for me and my body so I thought I would update you all on whats been happening in my world.
A couple of weeks ago, I had my third MRI scan. I usually have them on a yearly basis to see how my Endo and Adenomyosis is progressing. My consultant likes to call them my MOT! For all of you who have had an MRI, you'll appreciate how tiny that damn machine is, so its never something I look forward to. I don't know whether I was feeling particularly anxious that day, but for the first time I had to press the buzzer to get out of the machine. Ugh embarrassing much! I couldn't calm my breathing and I felt sick with panic, I just had to get out of there. Its unusual for me and as always, my stubborn mind told me to get straight back in there and to finish the scan after a few minutes of fresh air. It was a long 60 minutes but I got there in the end! I know that I'll have many more scans, and no doubt I'll also have to press the buzzer again in the future but thats OK! I don't like to keep things routine and normal anyway haha!
Two days after my scan, I started my Zoladex injections and HRT. This is my third try before you buy hysterectomy. Again not something to look forward to. My previous experiences of these types of medications have been unpleasant and created a monster of a person, so I was fearful for what was coming this time round. On the day of the injection, I was already feeling pretty crap. My pain was bad and I was struggling massively with nausea. But it was when I got home, and sat and cried in self pity once again that I knew it was a particularly bad day for me, both physically and mentally. I had been experiencing similar feelings for a few months but that day I texted my parents and sister, and said I hate my life. I know thats not true deep down but on that day and in that moment, I really did. It was at that point that I knew that I needed to talk to someone professionally.
Which leads me on to this week. Monday just gone I went to my first psychotherapy appointment. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I'm a bit cynical when it comes to all of this mental health stuff. And so for me this was a big... no... huge step for me to accept and attend one of these sessions. I'll be honest, I felt silly and I saw it as a sign of weakness. How can talking to someone possibly make any of this okay. They can't change my situation. They can't fix me. Whats the point?! Rightly or wrongly, thats just how I felt. But I'm glad to say it was OK, yes I felt awkward and yes I still felt silly, but it was the first step towards hopefully something that will help me through this nightmare. I'm hoping I can learn how to deal with the negativity that comes hand in hand with this disease, and perhaps then I can pass that on to others in the same situation. I've got my next appointment on Tuesday so watch this space.
Its now less than 5 weeks until my big excision operation. I still like to stick my head in the sand about it all. But theres times that I can't ignore it and I find myself freaking out a little. Its crazy to think in just 4.5 weeks I'll be saying goodbye to my work colleagues for the year. In fact, its absolutely terrifying. But keeping my positive pants on, it should all be worth it and who knows, 2018 could be a fab pain free year!
Oh and talking about pants, and finishing on a good note, attached are some pics of our Endometriosis UK Pink Pants Tea party. We raised a fab £477.60 for the charity whilst having a laugh with friends and family at the same time. If you want to know more about our support group, take a look at my previous post!
Take care.
A x
A couple of weeks ago, I had my third MRI scan. I usually have them on a yearly basis to see how my Endo and Adenomyosis is progressing. My consultant likes to call them my MOT! For all of you who have had an MRI, you'll appreciate how tiny that damn machine is, so its never something I look forward to. I don't know whether I was feeling particularly anxious that day, but for the first time I had to press the buzzer to get out of the machine. Ugh embarrassing much! I couldn't calm my breathing and I felt sick with panic, I just had to get out of there. Its unusual for me and as always, my stubborn mind told me to get straight back in there and to finish the scan after a few minutes of fresh air. It was a long 60 minutes but I got there in the end! I know that I'll have many more scans, and no doubt I'll also have to press the buzzer again in the future but thats OK! I don't like to keep things routine and normal anyway haha!
Two days after my scan, I started my Zoladex injections and HRT. This is my third try before you buy hysterectomy. Again not something to look forward to. My previous experiences of these types of medications have been unpleasant and created a monster of a person, so I was fearful for what was coming this time round. On the day of the injection, I was already feeling pretty crap. My pain was bad and I was struggling massively with nausea. But it was when I got home, and sat and cried in self pity once again that I knew it was a particularly bad day for me, both physically and mentally. I had been experiencing similar feelings for a few months but that day I texted my parents and sister, and said I hate my life. I know thats not true deep down but on that day and in that moment, I really did. It was at that point that I knew that I needed to talk to someone professionally.
Which leads me on to this week. Monday just gone I went to my first psychotherapy appointment. As I've mentioned in previous posts, I'm a bit cynical when it comes to all of this mental health stuff. And so for me this was a big... no... huge step for me to accept and attend one of these sessions. I'll be honest, I felt silly and I saw it as a sign of weakness. How can talking to someone possibly make any of this okay. They can't change my situation. They can't fix me. Whats the point?! Rightly or wrongly, thats just how I felt. But I'm glad to say it was OK, yes I felt awkward and yes I still felt silly, but it was the first step towards hopefully something that will help me through this nightmare. I'm hoping I can learn how to deal with the negativity that comes hand in hand with this disease, and perhaps then I can pass that on to others in the same situation. I've got my next appointment on Tuesday so watch this space.
Its now less than 5 weeks until my big excision operation. I still like to stick my head in the sand about it all. But theres times that I can't ignore it and I find myself freaking out a little. Its crazy to think in just 4.5 weeks I'll be saying goodbye to my work colleagues for the year. In fact, its absolutely terrifying. But keeping my positive pants on, it should all be worth it and who knows, 2018 could be a fab pain free year!
Oh and talking about pants, and finishing on a good note, attached are some pics of our Endometriosis UK Pink Pants Tea party. We raised a fab £477.60 for the charity whilst having a laugh with friends and family at the same time. If you want to know more about our support group, take a look at my previous post!
Take care.
A x
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