'Its Not The Endo The World...'

I've been struck down by the dreaded "common cold" since Friday evening. I have my Bestie to thank for bringing the germs in the house and turning me into a snotty grotty sneezing machine. Still, I don't let Endo beat me so I definitely won't let a silly cold. On the plus, my pain has been a bit more manageable. Had some bad moments today but on the whole it isn't as intense as the last couple of weeks. I would have been due my next Prostap injection today and I finished my HRT so it will be interesting to see how I feel over the next few weeks as the hormones start to rebalance. Got my scan date through for 15th March. Not too long to wait. Really want to know if they find more cysts. Kinda hoping they do as it would explain the increased pain. But lets see. March is almost upon us which means its the month to share the word about Endometriosis. What are you doing to get involved? A x

As a parent, one of your roles in life is to look after your children. You pick them up when they are down, nurse them back to health when they are ill and provide a shoulder for them to cry on. The problem is, being a parent of someone who suffers with endometriosis and adenomyosis, you can't nurse them back to health, all you can do is try to keep them positive and make them know you will always be there to support them.  If someone told me if I gave up my expensive car, my numerous holidays a year and the latest gadgets, my daughter would have a lot more pain free days, I would do it in a heartbeat. There is nothing more frustrating than seeing someone you love in so much pain, knowing that there is nothing you can do about it. That is not what is suppose to happen, I should be able to fix everything as a Dad, but I can't. If I could share some of the pain I would do it in the blink of an eye. It makes me very sad that this can never be the case.  So what can I do as a ...

This disease seems to make life go past in slow motion. You spend hours on the sofa in pain whilst everyone else is going on with their normal lives. You watch as people do the things you want to do, or go to the places you once said you would visit. You hear of people settling down, getting married and having children as you had once planned. You admire people from a distance who are getting promotions and moving up in their jobs, hitting the targets you had promised yourself you would reach. All the while, you are stuck in a bubble of pain, watching life pass you by. For you, a day with no pain is a rarity. You rely on the small things. You book plans in to have something to look forward to, whether that be a holiday or catching up with friends and family. You class being able to get out for an hour in the fresh air as a productive day. And you know that sometimes just laughing with your best friend is the highlight of your day. You no longer buy the latest fashion but buy clothes ...

I've completed my three days of work this week and now I have four days to relax. Bliss! Unfortunately, my pain has got a little worse since I got home but I'm in my comfy clothes on the sofa just trying to ignore it. I know that it will more than likely haunt me over the next four days too, but I won't let it control me, and it certainly won't beat me. I've just accepted it will always be there, and so I'm making room... A x

I was determined to get back to work today. I woke in pain at 5.20am, with crippling stomach cramps. My only thoughts were "Oh no Endo, you ain't gonna stop me, not today!". I've still felt pretty rough all day. Bad pain in my pelvic area and feeling particularly light headed. I tried to keep up with healthy snacks and plenty of water all day to try ease the fuzzy head. The 30 minute walk in the fresh air and sunshine at lunch really helped to blow the cobwebs away and I actually felt much better after. Isn't it amazing how a little sunshine can really lift your spirits. It makes me excited for the Spring. Today was a better day. And thank goodness it was. A x

When I woke up this morning at 5.30am and knew I was still in pain, I was heartbroken. I didn't want to waste another day feeling sorry for myself under a blanket in pain. When I went downstairs and my Bestie asked how I was feeling and I responded saying the same, her response was "you don't look unwell". She followed on by saying I was always smiling and its only since I started this blog that others really appreciated what this disease was putting me through. I've always been pretty discreet about it all. I've never wanted to be seen to complain and I've never been particularly forthcoming with the details on my illness unless someone asks. For most people, the mention of anything that involves "womens stuff" is enough to put them off asking any more questions. I am feeling a bit better today, I can see light at the end of the tunnel (or this flare up at least). I'm still poorly, but not like the last few days thankfully. I've got ...

Its pulling me apart from the inside out. The pain is so intense and its zapping me of any energy. The heavy weight, feeling like a tonne of bricks sitting in my womb. The ache in my back, making it impossible to get comfortable. The shooting pains from my hips down through my legs. The tension in my head, making it difficult to concentrate. And the nauseous feeling, sitting there as a constant warning. This week has been one of the hardest I have had since being diagnosed. The worry about whats happening inside. The concern about whether I need to go back to the hospital. Is this normal? Is this part of the parcel? I want to cry. Cry because it hurts. Cry because I am frustrated. Cry because I miss my simple normal life. What is happening to me? Why is my body struggling to fight so hard this week? A x

Firstly, I know I've been a bit slack with my posts in the last week or so but I haven't been feeling my best. It started on Saturday. I mentioned in my post that I was struggling wth the pain and spent a large amount of the weekend under my blanket with a hot water bottle. It was deemed a water infection and I was prescribed 7 days of antibiotics. Well yesterday I left work at lunch because I was still feeling poorly. My head was pounding and I felt sick. I thought it was all to do with the water infection so when I woke up in even more pain today it started to ring alarm bells. I rang my Doctors first thing and got an appointment with a Nurse at 10am. Luckily for me, my Ma came to pick me up. My symptoms had changed since the weekend. I had a particularly bad pain in my lower right abdomen, low into the groin. I had generalised pain across my tummy and in my back/sides. I also felt very sick. Upon arrival at the Doctors, the Nurse stated that due to my symptoms and th...

Thats what it feels like at the moment. Yesterday I mentioned that I was on the sofa feeling like I was being punished after completing the tasks that I planned for the day. Well it turns out I have ANOTHER water infection. I spent my Sunday afternoon at the Walk in Centre waiting for some antibiotics. I've had them enough to know the symptoms. I think I just like to stick my head in the sand sometimes. Doesn't everyone at some point?! Well I asked the Doctor what I can do to prevent these recurring infections. His response was "well if its the endometriosis causing them, theres nothing you can do." Well thats just great isn't it! This disease continues to throw more and more curveballs my way. I just wonder when they'll stop. So another 7 days of 4 tablets a day and another £8.40 spent on a prescription. Endo is getting more and more expensive for me it would seem. But needs must. My parents have bought me a TENs machine to see if it gives me some relie...

I woke up today determined to complete the plans I had made. So off to the gym I went first thing. Next on my list was getting some treats from my fav bakery in Colchester, Crouch Street Bakes. Another tick in the box. And finally, clearly the most important part of the plan, to get to the cinema to see Fifty Shades Darker with the Bestie. Well let me just firstly say, Mr Grey didn't disappoint. Whilst I was sat in the cinema with horrid tummy pains, the man on the screen was a fab distraction for a couple of hours. Unfortunately since then I've been home on the sofa with a hot water bottle and blanket. Perhaps my determination for completing my plans means I am paying for it now. But nevertheless, I beat you today Endo. You didn't stop me. Hell you would have been in serious trouble if you had made me miss watching that fine specimen of a man.... The Bestie & I A x

Speak up and inspire others. Don't be ashamed of your struggles and experiences. We can all help one another. Because we are Endo Warriors. And we are stronger together. A x

Hi All, Today I've been investigating how to keep track of my symptoms and diet so I can help determine if I have certain triggers that make the pain worse. I've got two apps that I'm testing on my iPhone at the moment. Pain Coach by WebMD and Nanolume. The second only allows 10 free entries before it costs which isn't ideal but its minimal for something that could potentially help. Has anyone got any apps that they would recommend for keeping track? Please get in touch. In other news, its been a week since my second Prostap injection. I think the nurse lied to me. Just saying. A x

My pain has been almost unbearable today. The backache, the pelvic pain, the hip pain and of course the headache which hasn't left my head for a week now. Whilst I was driving to work this morning, sitting in the daily traffic in Colchester, I was clouded by nothing but negative thoughts. The constant encouragement to get yourself to work, the wondering how many hours you will last before needing to go home, the overwhelming urge to just turn around and drive home so you can curl up in a ball and sleep. It was a long 25 minute drive today. I've naturally experienced tiredness before but since being on these Prostap injections, I've found out the true meaning of fatigue. Chronic fatigue. The feeling of just being in a room but not taking anything in around you, whether it be sounds or movements. The feeling of your heavy body, not wanting to move, even to take a sip of your drink. And the worst of all, knowing you look exactly the way that you feel. Like poo. I've...

Determined to get back on the healthy train to make myself feel better. Tonights meal was a steamed haddock fillet, green beans, broccoli, roast sweet potato cubes, and a chilli and garlic dressing. Pretty tasty. Just need to get my sleep back on track next please! A x

I knew I wasn't completely myself when I woke up this morning. You know when you just know?! So when I got a text this morning announcing someone I knew was pregnant, it wasn't a huge surprise when the tears started falling down my cheeks. Its the first time I've cried when hearing the news of a pregnancy. I've written previously about how hard it is but I've never actually cried. But this morning the tears wouldn't stop. It stopped being about the other person and all about the sadness for myself. The fact that they had what I was never going to have. The fact that it had happened to me. The fact that right in that moment I felt alone with my sadness. And then I felt guilty. Guilty that I had made it about myself. Guilty that I was crying over what is the happiest news for them. Guilty that I had so much to be grateful for. Which of course then led to more tears. It didn't last long. I needed to cry but I wasn't going to let it rule my day. So after...

Ss you can probably guess from the title, I've got a headache. A headache that hasn't shifted for days now. Which has meant today has involved plenty of sofa surfing and cat cuddles with Pebs. Spent some of the time looking into the Endo diet. Considering trying to cut out some of the common foods that cause Endo sufferers additional pain. The pic below shows these main things (Thanks Endo Warriors). If anyone has any experiences with changing your diet to help with symptoms, please do let me know. Hoping to get into the gym in the morning so wish me luck for a good pain day! A x

I woke up early today and as usual read the Endo stories and questions on the forums on Facebook. I'm not sure why but today in particular everything seemed really negative. And instead of feeling better after reading some of the posts, I felt worse. I've always said that if I were to write a blog, I didn't want it to all be negative. Yes there will always be some negativity, after all, its a chronic disease that causes nothing but pain. But I wanted to be the person who tried to find the positives in the darkest times. When you're feeling low, its always so much harder to find the good things about your day. Its all too easy to focus on the pain that you're experiencing. Or the prang in the car park you've had this week causing unnecessary outgoings to fix the car. Or the glass of squash you spilt over the booth seats in the break out area at work. (Yes they have all happened to me this week before you ask!). But you've got to remember all the positives too...

So, its been 48 hours since I had my second Prostap injection. I've had a constant headache since but to be fair I was headachy before. Moods have been a bit edgy but I've been stressed over the last 48 hours too with other stuff. Tummy ache hasn't been ideal today but when is it these days?! I'm super tired but less so than in the first few hours of having the injection. I felt like I had been hit by a train. I'm still waiting for the miracle day when the second injection makes me feel wonderful but I'm still keeping my fingers crossed. Typically my doctors have said they won't be prescribing me anymore injections and so I have to go back to the hospital. Something about £75 an injection being too much. So right now I don't know when my next jab will be but hopefully they won't mess me around. Will keep you updated on my progress. A x

Evening All, The lovely Tori has completed her article on Endometriosis, including some quotes from my previous blogs and some other fellow Endo Warriors. Have a read at  https://www.popsugar.co.uk/ smart-living/Tips-Living- Endometriosis-43039372 Thanks Tori for continuing to raise awareness of this horrid disease. A x

My body doesn't seem to let me sleep past 5am these days. But it does mean I have time to scan the forums and I've just come across this post. It's another great article on almighty.com about chronic illness and having "one of those days". Have a read, we can all definitely relate to this one... https://themighty.com/2017/01/advice-dealing-with-bad-days-being-sick/ A x