Flare, Flare, Flare

Its been a week for pain. I've written about my flare up over the last few blogs and how its been a testing and intense time. Luckily its not the same every month but one in every few flares, it feels like its never going to end. It drags on and just when you think its easing up, it smacks you back round the face again.

Yesterday was our second North Essex Endometriosis UK support group. I woke up in pain but was determined to get myself to the hall as I had been looking forward to it. I was slightly later leaving home that I wanted due to feeling nauseous and struggling with cramps. But I took pills and got myself in my car. I made it across town in good time and parked up down the road from the hall. Just as I got out of the car, I felt horribly dizzy and faint. I grabbed a post by the side of the road and got myself into the passenger side of my car. What the hell! I was so close, please body don't let me fail so close to getting to the group!! After a few minutes of deep breaths and taking on some water, I attempted to go for the second time. I headed into the hall and was greeted by the women I'm now pleased to call my friends.

I felt pretty awful for the whole 2 hour support group but I was so glad I went. Barry Whitlow was very informative and answered everyones questions. Some of the information was scary, most of it I had heard of before but some was new (like people losing kidneys to the disease, eyyyyy!!). The time flew by and before we knew it, it was time to say goodbye for another month.

I was asked by one lady if I was okay with knowing that I won't be having children naturally and having a hysterectomy so soon. I honestly don't think anyone can say they are "okay" with it. But I know, especially when I've had weeks like the last one, your quality of life is so important. So no I'm not okay with it, but I need to be able to live my life too....

A x

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Womb-less

Image
Well, here we are 3.5 weeks post "the big op". 3.5 weeks since I lost a part of me. 3.5 weeks since my world changed. But most importantly, 3.5 weeks since my journey to living again started. The day itself came round very quickly. The months notice I had went by in a flash, and before I knew it, I was laying in the hospital. I started my op prep a couple of days before the big day, it was as unpleasant as I had expected. The bowel prep was certainly more aggressive this time, lasting right up until 10 mins before I went down for surgery and it's safe to say I felt utterly rotten. I felt so sick the morning of the op. I was sitting on my bathroom floor next to the toilet thinking oh my goodness, I can't go, I can't leave this bathroom let alone the house. Sheer panic had a hold of me and my anxiety had me sat frozen, pleading with myself to move. It was the toughest battle I've ever had with my own brain before an operation and between you and me, I truly didn...
Read more

Whats worse...

Image
Whats worse than a stressful day at work? A stressful day at work with a nasty endo flare up. Whats worse than a stressful day at work with a nasty endo flare up? A stressful day at work with a nasty endo flare up and coming home to clear up cat sick on your bedroom floor. Whats worse than a stressful day at work with a nasty endo flare up and coming home to clear up cat sick on your bedroom floor? All of the above plus standing in some cat sick you didn't see!!!! And whats even worse than all of the above? Not being able to come home and enjoy a gin and tonic to help the above because it'll make your pain even worse!! My pain levels are through the roof today. It was bad yesterday but my goodness I am struggling right now. The constant heavy, burning tummy ache is making it hard to walk. Everything takes effort and I'm running on the last fumes in my energy tank. I was awake at 4am this morning which is typical for when I'm having a flare. I also have to wee a ...
Read more

I'm coming home...

Image
I’ve been tossing up for a while now whether to write another blog post. It’s been a couple of months since my last update and I’ve neglected my blog since. The truth of it is I’ve used the last three months in Australia to run away from the reality of my situation. I’ve been able to (for the most part) shut off my thinking about the appointments, procedures and operations that are to come in the next couple of years. And it’s been bliss. Yes I’ve had my bad days. And yes at times it’s been a struggle. But I've also been able to just be me, without the endometriosis, without the adenomyosis, and without the heartache that it all brings with it. Having a break from the frequent hospital appointments, the feelings of jealousy and resentment, and the enormity of whats to come was needed. I’ve felt a bit like the old Amy, the Amy who had a life outside of endometriosis, the Amy before everything changed. It’s funny how when you go somewhere different you can change your mindset. It wa...
Read more