Some Days It Creeps Up On You

I knew I wasn't completely myself when I woke up this morning. You know when you just know?! So when I got a text this morning announcing someone I knew was pregnant, it wasn't a huge surprise when the tears started falling down my cheeks.

Its the first time I've cried when hearing the news of a pregnancy. I've written previously about how hard it is but I've never actually cried. But this morning the tears wouldn't stop. It stopped being about the other person and all about the sadness for myself. The fact that they had what I was never going to have. The fact that it had happened to me. The fact that right in that moment I felt alone with my sadness. And then I felt guilty. Guilty that I had made it about myself. Guilty that I was crying over what is the happiest news for them. Guilty that I had so much to be grateful for. Which of course then led to more tears.

It didn't last long. I needed to cry but I wasn't going to let it rule my day. So after 20 minutes of tears, I picked myself up, reapplied my makeup and decided to get on with my day. My eyes were red and sore. They still are. And I haven't felt my best for the rest of the day. To be honest, it did set the tone for the day. I've felt low. I know its just hormones but today I just needed a hug and to be told its going to be okay.

Some days it just creeps up on you. And today it did to me.

A x


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