Its the small things

This disease seems to make life go past in slow motion. You spend hours on the sofa in pain whilst everyone else is going on with their normal lives. You watch as people do the things you want to do, or go to the places you once said you would visit. You hear of people settling down, getting married and having children as you had once planned. You admire people from a distance who are getting promotions and moving up in their jobs, hitting the targets you had promised yourself you would reach. All the while, you are stuck in a bubble of pain, watching life pass you by.

For you, a day with no pain is a rarity. You rely on the small things. You book plans in to have something to look forward to, whether that be a holiday or catching up with friends and family. You class being able to get out for an hour in the fresh air as a productive day. And you know that sometimes just laughing with your best friend is the highlight of your day. You no longer buy the latest fashion but buy clothes that will cater for your bloated tummy. And you've stopped thinking about the future and just how you're going to get through the next couple of months of pain.

So when the small things that you rely on don't work out, it seems like a huge disappointment. To someone else, it may seem like an over reaction. Sometimes it feels like no one understands how you feel. And sometimes it feels like everyones speeding 100 mph ahead, and leaving you behind.

Today I feel disappointed, and left behind. And on top of that, my pain is horrendous. I have shooting pains down my legs and pain in my right shoulder. I know my symptoms are getting worse and I'm finding it hard to be positive.

Theres a saying "being negative only makes a journey more difficult. You may be given a cactus, but you don't have to sit on it". But some days, you can't help but end up sitting on it!!

A x


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